Monday, August 26, 2013

Making the Best Out of Stabbing Yourself in the Eye

So I stabbed myself in the eye last week. And I mean, like I stabbed myself in the eye. Not the eyelid. Not the eyelashes. Not the eyebrows. I stabbed myself in the eye.

When I tweeted this there were two recurring questions that came back at me:

1) How the hell did you accomplish this?
2) Can I see a picture?

Answers:

1) I was holding something and gesturing at the same time. It ended badly.

2) If you want to see a picture of my eye post-stabbing check out my Twitter stream. I know some people actually don't like to look at other people's bloody eyes (WTF, right?) so I won't just put a big jpeg of my bloody eyeball here on the blog.

The bad news: It hurt. Like a bad word. Also, I said a bad word. Not a huge surprise, but the fact of the matter is that the self-inflicted gesture-stab happened in front of the entire K-4 staff as I was doing a library presentation. So that means the bad word did too. I think they were torn between wanting to help me and wanting to send me to the office.

The good news: I'm alright. In fact, I finished my presentation while my eye seeped and then kind of forgot about the whole thing until I looked in the mirror later on and saw that I was bleeding underneath my cornea.

Some more good news: My mom happened to have some antibiotic eye drops on hand so I drove to her  place after work to put some in my bloody eye.

Some more bad news: Immediately after I put them in she said, "Oh, wait. Those might have been for the dog."

Despite having the bad luck to belong to someone who stabs themselves in the face during work hours and whose mother hands out veterinarian medications to humans, my eyeball is recovering quite nicely. It's a trooper.

Why am I blogging about this?

Now I know how it feels to be stabbed in the eye. Granted, it wasn't a stiletto, or a razor blade, or a rusty nail, but I get the idea. If I ever find myself in a writing situation where this kind of knowledge would come in handy, I've got it nicely tucked away in a brain folder marked @##$&*!!!

Right alongside that is a folder marked HOW IT FEELS TO NEARLY FREEZE TO DEATH WHILE WEARING YOUR CAT PAJAMAS, but that's a story for another time.

6 comments:

Em-Musing said...

Lord! That's awful. And sorry, too funny about the dog drops. It seems things like to poke me in my eyes all the time. The worst was the day before my daughter's wedding. I was framing a pic for the guest bedroom (of course I had to wait until the last minute) and the metal thingy that presses the matting to the frame popped up and hit me in my eye. As I laid on the bed cursing fate, I kept wondering where I could find an eye patch to match my dress if in fact I was blind in that eye.

Daphne said...

But what were you holding? Pen, pencil, dagger?

Marin McGinnis said...

I am actually crying as I type this. I realize I should not be laughing at your infirmities, but that is quite possibly the funniest thing I have read all week. In all seriousness, however, I am glad that your eye is better. I am now wondering where to lay in a stock of dog eye drops, given that I, too, have managed to stab myself in the eye from time to time. Most notably, the day before I graduated from college, so I had to wear my big-ass ugly glasses to commencement because I couldn't put in my contacts without screaming in agony. Good times.

Mindy McGinnis said...

Em - it's funny how the brain works, right? I was clutching my eye, trying to limit the swear words and thinking, "What if my eye is NOT IN THERE?? THEN WHAT WORDS WILL I USE?"

Daphne - I was holding a plastic place holder that we give the little kiddos in libraries so that when they pull a book off the shelf, they stick that in there instead. That way they can put the book back in the right place if they don't want it. Think long, less flexible paint stirrer. In your eye.

Marin - Well I'm glad I could amuse you :)

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Allegory Spindle said...

I found this shortly after being stabbed in the eye- I googled 'what to do if you've stabbed yourself in the eye' despite the fact I had not stabbed myself in the eye, because I felt it might yield more useful results. As it turned out, this was the first result, and none of the other results seemed like particularly helpful medical advice. But as the internet is hardly the greatest resource for reliable medical advice, that's probably for the best.

But this article was helpful in another way, in that it reminded me this would be a very useful experience to remember if I ever need to write about someone getting stabbed in the eye, which, as a writer of mainly adventure-type stories where people get stabbed quite often, I no doubt will.

So, if you still read comments on three-year-old posts, thank you for showing me a bright side to getting stabbed in the eye, and helping me remember something that will certainly come in handy one day.