1) Whenever I say, "I apologize," I say it like Andy from DEADWOOD as he's dying in the woods from smallpox. This makes people not take the apology seriously. And if you have a problem with the eff word don't watch the explanatory snippet below.
2) As I tried in vain to get the front of my car clean yesterday, I wondered why glue is made from horses and not bug guts.
3) Everyone complains about carpet. Keeping it clean, how much it costs to maintain, the color fading out, etc. So I asked myself, why do people even have carpet then? And shortly thereafter I realized all these same things are true about hair.